Tuesday, October 28, 2008

(this post was meant to be posted on friday)

bored during FYP, because the internet was down as well, so i decided to type this entry out on notepad.
small stuff to update before the main thing to rant about again.
going to NYP Camp Diamond's Trial Camp later. in another 2 hours plus time. don't know whether it will be fun anot, but well.. i'll try to have fun. hope there is someone there who can throw a frisbee. at these times you wish you had jeremy around. haha.
still haven't done much for my FYP, that graph thingy is ridiculous, i have no idea how to do it. geez. still don't do gonna kena scolded like i did during mid FYP presentation already.
been thinking too much lately. gosh i kinda hate myself sometimes. why do i have so many problems i wonder. maybe graduating is a better thing than it looks.
wanted to buy the Skins sleeves which i mentioned in the previous post. but when i tried to order it online it came up to 98dollars? like wth? and its just for an aussie address can you imagine. 47 dollars for shipping and handling, like what, you need to hire a policeman to look after 2 pieces of cloth? geez.

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alright, main rant of today is.. future jobs. haha.
well once in awhile when i'm bored, which is getting quite common lately, i'll start wondering about many things. like more importantly the ever-present question of 'what would i wanna do in future', or the occasional question like 'what would i wanna buy, hmm', and the once in a blue moon thought of 'damn, why is that pretty girl opp me older than me' LOL.
yes so my mind is quite active, on the wrong kinda things sometimes, but hey, nothing wrong about thinking. haha.
so recently i've been thinking about the jobs thing again, and i suddenly thought of a course that i'd like to take for my degree, if i ever get that far. it had hit me before but i never seriously considered it.
i'd like to take Sports Science in future.
so far basically only pat tai knows that, haha. and well.. the response hasn't been TOO bad.
but hey, i think it would be quite a cool job.
i can go OBS and work, YAY! hahaha.
can keep fit at the same time whilst i work, cool.
maybe i can even go Singapore Sports School to teach!
at the same time, i can even dedicate some of my time to come back to NYP to aid in coaching the frisbee team. wonderful.
well at least i think its quite in demand in singapore, the job. since singapore is promoting sports right now and the courses here are.. not quite there yet. but since i might go overseas to study. why not?
i love the outdoors(i think. haha). and it'll be great to have a job that requires me to move around, rather than be desk bound. i daresay working in Singapore Sports School won't be TOO dull.
well, this is just a thought of course. but quite an interesting one.
prior to this i had a couple of courses of study which had piqued my interest. law, psychology, at one point medicine(though on second thought its really tiring), and quite awhile back i wanted to take accoustic engineering. haha.
but i never really made up my mind. i don't know, maybe i'll think about it when i'm in second year of my army. or maybe i'll make up my mind soon. i'm getting old, whether i like it or not, haha, and i cannot afford to dilly dally away my time already.
but.. sports science.. hmm.. really really interesting, that one. hahaha.
but i'm equally interested in psychology anyway, lol. well, anything that needs me to talk or work with humans(other than being a surgeon -_-) goes i guess. haha.
i'll store this thought in my mind for further reference.. when i get bored again.
in the meantime i shall focus my efforts.. on wondering why 1988 girls are so goodlooking(not all, but some).
ciaos. hahaha.

i guess i'm not in any position to complain.
i need to learn how to be your best friend.
but you might as well tell me go jump into a barb wire.
at least that hurts physically only.
i hate myself, for being so contradicting.

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Friday, October 24, 2008

yep i'm back again.

finally decided, on a free thursday night, to update.

small stuff first.

training has been good, heh. i'm still not as good as some of the players but i feel i'm improving.

we did a layout drill on wed. damn my hands still has scratches from that.

thinking of buying Skins sleeves. you can view them here

http://www.skins.net/au/en/Products/BioAcceleration_Technology/sport/powersleeves

well i've been eyeing some form of sleeves, whether cloth or of these kinda material, for quite awhile but i haven't been able to find out where to buy them. so i'm quite decided on buying these, but as usual, being me, i'll make sure its worth it before doing it. 56bucks for 2 damn sleeves. geez. will be useful for sure though.

aaaaaaaand.. erm.. yeah, having trial camp this wkend. camp diamond. don't know how fun it'll be but.. well just go lor. hahaha. being the Su event it is, guess i'll go.

i have loads of stories to rant about here. but i'll just talk about my Uncle today.

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it was.. last tuesday. i woke up to the sound of my phone, the usual thing everyday, except that.. it was 7am.

i was like, 'wait, why did gran call so early?'

well i'll shamelessly say here that my gran calls me every morn to wake me up. so usually she's supposed to call at around 720.

so i picked up the phone groggily, and the first thing i hear is, roughly translated from hokkien 'boy ah. ask your mum to the phone. ah gu diam ke liao(literally means gone quiet)'

as my still nearly cold brain struggled to grasp the exact meaning of that message, i stumbled out of my bed, and went downstairs where my mum was reading papers. she gave me a curious look, and i relayed to her whatever i heard.

i sat there, stoning on the ground for quite awhile as my mum was engaged in a tense conversation with my gran. a multitude of expressions showed on her face over that 20min period i sat there. eventually, deciding that i'll be late if i sit and wait anymore, i went up to shower.

once i was more awake after that shower, i headed down and prepped to leave, though i was gonna be slightly late already. mum confirmed the bad news for me.

my uncle passed away in the morning.

well i didn't feel really sad or anything, not that i was particularly close to him or what. but still, it was kinda sudden. we did know he had throat cancer for awhile, but i though the chemotherapy he was going through was holding him up still. until the news that is.

well that wasn't the only thing that bothered me on tue, but i'll skip that part.

i didnt go training that evening, because i had to get back home to help mum look after my bro while she settled the funeral stuff.

the following day went as normal, except that i left FYP earlier, was feeling kinda vexed anyway. so i got official leave, and left at 4 to go home. went to the funeral after. i guess the shock feeling was kinda delayed, because it was quite awhile before the sadness set in. a year before i was attending my grandfather's funeral, now? my uncle's. i fervently pray that nothing bad happens next year.

missed school on thursday. spent the entire day settling the funeral stuff. it was saddening to see my family members cry again. my uncle didnt do much, you could even call him a bum, but he didnt deserve this. noone does. but still, smoking and drinking everyday, can't really make you live long eh.

once again i'm forced to contemplate on life. 40 odd years of his life and all he left was bad memories of him, in a way. would i wanna go off in this way? i know i won't. though my poly life is coming to an end.. i hope its not too late to set things right. at that moment i had a certain urge to do some things immediately, say things that i never would've, tell people things that i want to. but.. as time passed. the urge went away. i hope i don't regret this.

anyway. this is history now. may he rest in peace.

i'll rant about something else another day. its 122am now. and its time to sleep. nights people.

i rather you went back.
i rather you didnt.
i rather you would've.
i rather i.. didnt..
ending those sentences would be too obvious a meaning.

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Saturday, October 18, 2008

omg its 7am as i'm posting this, and it has been 24hours since i last slept.

well a longer post will come soon, but i'm kinda busy.

went to a club for the first time last night.

Phuture is phucking phun lah! lol.

god it was worth that bomb of an entrance fee.

though i'm really tired now, but i had loads of fun.

another time another time! hahaha.

shall return to post soon, going to go act dead now. ciaos.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

*i removed this post on hindsight.*

i need to think clearly on this, and this is not the time.

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Thursday, October 9, 2008

its currently 2:19am as i'm typing this. i'm not asleep at this unearthly hour. why? because tomorrow is the day i do my fcuking presentation.

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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

eat to please thyself, but dress to please others. - Benjamin Franklin

love the quotes from men's health.

ahhh yess.. for the record, i'm back here to blog within like, hmmm.. less than a week. haha.
good good, i should be maintaining this.

hmm many things have happened i guess. good stuff, bad stuff, they all come once in awhile. my luck has gone so bad at one point of time in the week i was questioning the decision to retain my chinese name 4 years back but hmmm, i shall believe in my ownself still.

what i'm gonna talk about today? hmm, confidence in myself.

yes, i realise one very glaring fact(no wc, i do have confidence problems sometimes, lol)

that when i have really low confidence in myself, i tend to screw up everything.

yes, i mean everything.

i realised that when i was mulling over last week's training session. where i played in 2 games, only to not even able to pass out of the handlers line.

yet was it not just one week ago, where i was scoring 1,2 points per game and playing at a higher level?

i realised something funny about myself. (its a wonder why people don't find me weird or anything)

that my confidence level has sort of a reset button. hahaha. every week i go back to training, i feel like as if i'm attending training for the first time. i don't know why. okay, maybe not the first time, but my confidence level always starts at rock bottom, and i always have the idea that i'm the lousiest amongst them when i go in.

its only after the warm-ups, drills, and pickups do i regain that feeling. and that explains my fluctuating performance levels during trainings and matches.

during that training we were against a full line of seniors. with boling and 2 others forming the cup against our line. i sometimes wonder if i have too much respect for the seniors. they always seem so up there, so good, or it might just be me. i cant get rid of that feeling, to treat them like teamates, instead of betters. not because i wanna disrespect them, but rather because its hard to play against them without the confidence i have. twice they pressured us, twice i screwed up.

theres a world of difference between my playing level when i'm high on confidence(or high on adrenaline, lol) and when i'm totally low. i do things that surprise even myself, like that layout score during last last week's training. and things that i have no idea why i can't do, like stoning there and unable to pass the frisbee out during that match.

i really want to improve on my composure, but hell, i have no idea how, i guess it comes with experience. shall try my darndest still. hahaa.

well another thing about my confidence is prolly with girls. lol.

if i could help it, i'd never want to take that first step out unless i was 99.99% sure of success. but hey no pain no gain they say. still..

i won't want to elaborate a lot on this point, but lets just say we'll see how long you last, shall we.

there are many other thoughts swirling about my mind, but i'll put it off till another day, its coming 1am and theres training tomorrow.

there's a HK tourney coming up soon. though only 15players are gonna get chosen and i'm pretty pessimistic about my chances(including seniors leh!), i'll still go out and do best, i'll show them. one day, i'll be better than them. one day, i'll do something noone has ever done. (:

nights people, ciaos.

did you feel anything that day? because i sure did.
as weirdly as it started, its coming to something.
all i await is a sign.
but don't think i'm a fool, for i'm not falling for the same trap again.
if its a game of patience and fooling around, i'm more than willing to match you.
mark my words.

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Saturday, October 4, 2008

alright, i'm back, again. hahaha. after lazing around and forgetting to blog i'm back again. this time i decide that.. maybe this blog should be more informative rather than tell about what goes on in my life(like who cares eh) haha. it might work.

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